-Jokes, facts or trivia about mothers-in-law
-3,000 word essay/report on how to make money blogging
-What is my favorite place in nature/where have I had the best time in the outdoors?
-Smart replies for suggestive men (or something like that)
-Something about internet frustration and men with curly cords sprouting from their ears
-The origin and evolution of Disneyland
-What's really going on in PEA's garden... (Heh-heh-heh!)
-A story about a woman who believes the lint from her dryer filter is sending her secret messages.
I'm gonna write these down now. 'Cause if I don't I'm going to have an embarassingly long list and you are all going to think I'm a peevish person, which I'm NOT. (I hate peevish people!) On the contrary, I am THE bubbliest, bounciest, happiest, silliest, optimistic-est gal you'll ever hope to meet unless I run into these certain situations. Then you'll be dealing with a raving maniac…
1. I absolutely despise hair on the bathroom floor, tub, or sink.
I have gone so far as to fantasize of a world where everyone is bald and pubic-hairless. I know it would seem a bit weird at first. After all, I married Mulletman for that head of gorgeous, curly hair (we're talking ringlets here - oh, be still, my heart!) AND I've seen him with his head shaved back in '82. Believe me, once was enough. That man does NOT have a pretty head!
Nonetheless, when I think of all the years of frustration and cleaning I could have avoided, bald sounds like a blessing!
Just think, we could tattoo and pierce our scalps or wear pretty scarves and hats and tiaras. Best of all? No more shaving!
2. Ok, this is a marriage thing. Mm and I have been together for 25 years. We've both grown tremendously over that time and we truly do not irritate each other anymore...much. It's just a little thing, but it makes me twitch. After he bathes, he leaves the bathmat on the floor instead of hung over the side of the tub.
It is not a rug. It is a bathmat. I cannot vacuum it and I do not want to wash it weekly. Nor do I want to put my damp clean tootsies down on dirt that someone tracked in with their shoes.
Please hang it up, Sweetie!
3. Japanese beetles. I hate them so much that they deserve their own post. Just wait 'til July and I'll give you and eyeful!
4. Black flies. They are worse than mosquitoes. MUCH worse!
5. People who are chronically late. If the appointment or church service or movie or dinner date is at 8:30, be there at 8:25! I can deal with the ocassional glitch in planning (or in executing a plan), but chronic lateness is just plain RUDE. (End of rant, for now.)
6. Blog/website music, but I dealt with that HERE, so I won't go into it again.
7. Word verifications that I can't read in the first place. Is that a capital i or a lowercase L? They're all touching each other; where does one stop and the other begin? I don't need this kind of stress!
Why can't they all be simple like the ones on Squidoo or on Kailani's blog? Those sites use - oh the novelty is amazing - ACTUAL WORDS for their word verifications!
8. Why do they (whoever "they" are) insist on adding food coloring to EVERYTHING? I don't care what color my shampoo is. I don't care what color my kids' meds are. I don't want to ingest artificial dyes in my vitamins. Enough already!
9. Chemical "perfumes". I cringe just walking past the laundry/cleaning aisle at the Mart because of all the odors. I buy everything UNscented, if at all possible. I also avoid the basement on Grammy's laundry day. Fabric softener is her FAVORITE odor. We even buy her candles that smell like a heavy dose of Downy and she's thrilled. I, on the other hand, am in nostril hell.
10. Appliances and kitchen tools that can't handle the jobs they were supposedly made for. We used to have a garbage disposal that could only dispose of babyfood or well-soaked bread. Our fridge, which is only 8 years old, has had every major plastic part, including the inner walls replaced. Now they are all breaking again. I do NOT recommend Frigidaire! Shall I mention blenders that can't make a smooth smoothie, or dishwashers that require you to wash the dishes before you put them in?
Dull knives are anathama and I just threw away a nearly new vegetable peeler that couldn't cut the mustard, much less a carrot.
11. American Idol. I know an awful lot of people who need to get lives! No offense, I hope...
12. When recipes don't list the ingredients in the order they are used OR when they leave an ingredient off the list , but then ask for it in the actual instructions.
13. My annoying habit of typing "YOu", when I mean to type "You".
14. When Christian publications have their staff watch and preview inappropriate movies and/or tv shows so they can detail for us all the offenses therein so we can decide whether or not they're "too" offensive or not.
WARNING!WARNING! SOAPBOX ALERT! Groovy's Going to Rant! WARNING!WARNING!
This outpouring is for my Christian readers. The rest of you can skip to #15.
How is it moral or right or good to have/let/order/force Christian staff members to watch filth and tripe? If we, as believers, are COMMANDED BY GOD to think on, focus on, GOOD things (Phillipians 4:8, Colossians 3:1-2, Romans 12:1-2), then it is SIN to ask anyone else to shove that crap into their heart and mind.
And, my sisters in Christ (hope you have your steel-toed shoes on), how much crap has to be in a show before it's "too" bad to watch (Psalm 101:2-4)? How much sensuality is OK(2 Timothy 2:22)? How much nudity (1 Timothy 2:9)? How much swearing (Exodus 20: 7, Ephesians 5:3-4)? How much plain ole "Unwholsome" language (Ephesians 4:29, Colssians 4:6)? How many sinful living situations (2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Proverbs 22:24, Proverbs 13:20)? How many husbands/fathers treated with disrespect or portrayed as idiots (Ephesians 5:33 and 6:1-3)? How many children with selfish, godless attitudes (Ephesians 6:1-3 again)? How much is "too" much and where do you draw the line (1 Corinthians 6: 9-20)? Lastly, is that line drawn based on your own reasoning or on GOD's standards of holiness (Ephesians 5: 3-17)?
END OF ALERT!
15. Excess noise of any kind makes me VERY tense: Music cross-fire (Mm playing Delirious in the basement while the girls listen to Veggie Tales in the bedroom - Aaaaack!), humming appliances, fans, computer hum, florescent lights, etc. Everyone once in a while I go totally berserk and turn off and unplug EVERYTHING!!!
16. Skinny pens. I HATE skinny pens.
17. My own sins and weaknessness which spring up over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I'm a smart gal. You'd think I could learn and remember the lessons that God teaches me. Not so. I am so grateful that HE is merciful and patient. Truly His lovingkindness is everlasting!
18. Whining children and/or children who PESTER me.
19. Ill fitting under garments. 'Nuff said.
20. Close, warm, still spaces. I am claustrophobic and have a fear of asphyxiation. Give me room and give me moving air!
I'm SURE I could come up with more things that make me tense or angry or peevish, but I'm done for now. Now I need to take some time to renew my own mind by thinking on things that are GOOD. Something like...chocolate!