04 December 2007

In Which Groovy and Mr. Snowblower (Curse his name) Reach an Impasse and Grampy Scores a Victory

I did not blow the snow off our loooong driveway yesterday. The snow was fluffy and light, I didn't need to worry about clearing the drive for Mulletman to come home since the hospital paid for him to stay in Bangor, the Folks didn't need to go anywhere, and it was just supposed to snow a bunch more. That meant if I snowblowed (snewblew?) yesterday, I'd just have to do it again today. I opted for simplicity (and procrastination) and waited.

However, the folks had an appointment at 8AM today. (Go ahead, start laughing now)

I figured, No biggy, I get up early. I'll just pop out there at 6:45 and clear the path from their garage door to the road. I can do the rest after breakfast.

I foolishly thought this because Mulletman had already worked on Mr. Snowblower. He had fueled him up and even bragged to me, "Hey! It started on the first pull!"

(Keep laughing - it's good for you.)

I might mention that we finally got a snowblower because our driveway is just WAY too big/long to shovel. Way, WAY too big/long. We could pay someone to come plow, but that's like $15 to $20 per storm and they get there on their time schedule and the plow blades tear up our gravel drive.

So, on with the show:

Groovy: Good Morning, Mr. Snow blower!

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy: I am so thankful for you, Mr. Snowblower! Without you we'd be having to either kill ourselves with laborous physical drudgery or bleed our wallets dry paying some hick in a pick-up to dig us out!

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy: So, you ready to go? Groovy primes the engine, turns one red thingy to the right and pulls the other red thingy all the way up. Groovy pulls the starter.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy: Hmmm. Groovy pulls again.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy: Dang! I wonder if I flooded it? Groovy pulls again.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy: Oh crud. I don't smell gas. Usually I smell gas when it's flooded. Come ON Mr. Snowblower!!! Groovy pulls several more times.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Muttering under breath, Groovy goes off to shovel the steps. IF the engine is flooded, which she doesn't think it is, then it needs a little break. After a little break, it will start right up. Usually. Most of the time. On good days. She comes back and pulls.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy pulls and pulls and and pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls and pulls and PULLS!!!!!!

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy kicks the tires, rams the red thingies to their off position and stomps up the stairs to the Folks' apartment.

Mr. Snowblower, he don't say nothing.

Groovy Mom, I tried and tried. I can't start that damned stupid snowblower to save my soul. You guys will have to stay home.

Grammy That's Ok, Honey. You tried your best. We'll just drive over the snow.

Groovy (emphatically) You will NOT drive over THAT snow! It's 18 stinkin' inches deep! AND the wind is howling and blowing it everywhere! No way you can do it! Uh-uh! Im.Poss.I.Ble!

Grammy Well you know Dad. He'll probably try it.

(You can stop laughing now and hand Groovy some analgesics. Her head is starting to seriously ache!)

As I was typing this, they just drove away OVER the snow in their Subaru Forester. He had to make two attempts at the plowline from the road plows at the end of the driveway, but he made it.

Groovy says we sell the blower and get a Forester!


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to laugh, Groovy, seeing how cold you must be and that your head is aching and all, but that was one of the funniest stories ever. I loved it! I can't believe they just drove straight over the snow!

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Oh poor Groovy! i really, really tried not to laugh. I sorry but I had too! here's a huggle for you and some excedrin.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how you guys do it. If it were me, I would never leave the house! LOL!

An Island Life

Dawn said...

Yay for Dad and Subaru Foresters - the most popular vehicle here in Colorado these days (though we don't get much snow down here in the foothills!).

I abelieve I have Andy Williams singing the song with the tune you're talking about. It is a good one for sure.

So did you ever figure out what is wrong with Mr. Snowblower? I have the same problem with the lawn mower - can never get the dumb thing started.

So what does Mulletman do? Did he ever get home?

notcon4med said...

Mr. Forester, he say VRRRRROOOOM!

Don't feel bad. I don't even know HOW to start the leaf blower (the SC equivalent of the snowblower!).

Angry said...

I'm from Aus so you'll need to explain what snow is... but I do feel your pain, Groovy.

I like what I see here and if it's okay with you I'll drop in again soon.

Karen said...

Ah, the Forester... Mine is red. She goes EVERYWHERE. We talk, and as long as I don't forget myself and pop the clutch, we go places together.

Great post, Groovy. Wow, 18 inches... I honestly don't know what would happen to us if we got that much snow. With all the hills we have around here, they'd have to tranquilize the entire population of Puget Sound.

Busy Mom said...

Busy Dad is dying for a Forrester. Not sure if I should show him this or not!

Diane Viere said...

Well, if laughter is good for me....I'm feeling really good!!!!

Sorry about Mr. Snowblower....I think it might be time to hire a service that knows how to plow a gravel road! The cost of the headache, backache, and mental anguish is certainly more than the cost of the service!

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! your perspective! Thanks for making me smile today! Never will I drive passed the end of my very long driveway without thinking of you and Mr. Snowblower!

I must have said this before...but I think you should seriously consider contacting Erma Bombecks publisher......I'm certain they'd love your writing! I know I do!


Diane Viere said...


I just saw your Labels as I was closing out of the comment box--"Stupid machinery!"

Now that's just perfect.


Karen Putz said...

LOL! This reminded me of what happened last year:


I haven't even attempted the snowblower yet this year!