I go to the little drawer in the bathroom vanity where I keep my hair accessories and notice that it is growing bare, bereft of an adequate supply of hair elastics, barrettes and so forth. This is troubling because I am a walking case of chronic bad hair.
My hair is thin and fine and wispy and silky - and now, thanks to a serious infusion of unruly silver - fuzzy. On a good day it looks cute, but good days are rare and require a perfect mix of mild humidity and planet alignments and cooperating hormones and no wind or heat or static or stress. A good day would also require that I actually get my hair cut/trimmed more than once every year and a half...
Like I said, VERY rare.
So I search far and wide to find accessories that A. are pretty and B. will actually stay in my silky hair without sliding out 10 minutes later. The first requirement is fairly easy to meet. American stores are FULL of cute/pretty/sassy hair ornaments. However, the second stipulation is much more difficult to fulfill. I often buy promising elastics or clips or barrettes only to find that they can't stay the course. They either give me a headache or they continually slide away.
Needless to say, when I do find something I like, something that works, I make good use of it. Right now I have some really pretty elastic scrunchies in fabulous jewel-tones. I have some wee little clips that stay in and look nice (as long as I use several of them) and I have a couple of barrettes clips that pass muster if I double my hair through them.
That was plenty and I was content...................Until recently.
Because recently "it" started to happen. My hair adornments began to disappear. One day I'd be happily wearing my burgundy scrunchy, the next day it was nowhere to be found. I opted for the little clippies, but could only find three. I scrounged for the barrettes, but there was only one- and it looked gungy because the finish was scratched off.
Hmmmm, where could all my hair goodies be? I settled for the teal scrunchy and set out to search my pockets. Sometimes the wind gets wild or I mess up my coif wrestling with goats and I stuff my hair things in my pocket.
No luck. There was nothing in my pockets except used tissues, gum wrappers and an old grocery list and a defunct coupon.
"Mulletman? Have you seen my scrunchies?" Mulletman has long hair and he does use elastics to pull his ringlets (sigh) into a tail or a braid, but he doesn't use my more feminine scrunchies - and he certainly doesn't use my wee little clippies or barrettes. He was no help at all.
Just then, a lovely brown-haired tween breezed past me on her way to the bathroom, her own early morning head looking like a robin's nest of tangles. I temporarily abandoned my search to refortify myself with coffee and to add "hair stuff" to my shopping list. Moments later, the afore-mentioned tween waltzed into the kitchen for her breakfast. She had on a well coordinated outfit and her hair was sleeked back most becomingly. I openly admired her good taste.
"Girly-Girl, you look lovely this morning - so put together. How'd you do your hair? I really like it!"
She beamed under my praise and spun back-to so I could see her creative do. A creative do that involved 2 of MY HAIR SCRUNCHIES!
"Hey!" my voice rose with the excitement of discovery, "Aren't those MY scrunchies?"
"Yep. I like 'em."
"You may like them, but they're MINE. MY scrunchies! You shouldn't use MY scrunchies without asking MY permission!"
She gazed up me with wide brown eyes, "I didn't think you'd mind. They match my outfit."
"Yes, b-b-but they're MINE!"
Mulletman looked up from his oatmeal, "Honey, perhaps you could buy some more so there'd be enough for all of you."
I. went. ballistsic.
You see, Mulletman is a wonderful father and husband and all 'round decent (though occasionally high maintenance) human being, but he's still a Man. A man who has no concept of hair accessory security issues.
He has NO idea what I've been going through ever since our darling daughters got old enough to realize that their dolls had hair. I would buy the girls lovely decorations for THEIR hair. Then I'd go to do their hair "all pretty" and couldn't find matching elastics or barrettes or ribbons. Why? Because the majority of my carefully selected hair supplies had been covertly diverted to Tolly dolls, and Barbies, and Beanie Babies. Even Aslan the Lion had a hair bow.
I'd stomp around in a snit ranting a lecture about the misappropriation of hair embellishments whilst I undecorated the stuffed animals. And if the girls dared to giggle at me (which they did, the shameless thieves!) I silenced them with the angry-mother-eye-of-death.
At least temporarily.
For a week or so all would be well, but then I'd notice a rogue yellow hair elastic in the basement play area, or a pink hair clip near the foot of the bed. Next thing you know, Aslan had corn rows. It was ridiculous!
Finally, we came to something of an agreement. Certain of their hair things were deligated for play and others were to be kept in the drawer for their own heads. It worked/works for the most part. Though there have been periodic appearances of the "good" hair items on a doll's head that require a council meeting to reiterate the boundaries of hair implement usage.
But now things were taking an ugly turn. We were no longer talking about cute little girl hair accoutrements; We're talking about MY stuff.
Is there a way to lock my hair-stuff drawer? Maybe I should dust it with fingerprint powder so I know which child is guilty. Should I search the girls' room on a weekly basis? Maybe those little ladies should just save up their pennies and buy their OWN hair decorations!
Mulletman thinks I'm overreacting. He thinks I should chill out and share. He doesn't understand. A woman's got to protect what is her own!
That's it! I'm going to change into some nicer clothes and head for the store. I'm going to get a nice stash of hair goodies and then keep them hidden in the waaaaaaaaaaaay top of my closet in a mysterious shoe box.
Wait a minute...Where's my favorite funky red shirt?
GIRLY-GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
