26 July 2007

Alone For a WHOLE Hour!


Mulletman and the girlies left to go swim and I have a WHOLE HOUR all to myself. Naturally I'm going to use it to keep all you internet friendlies updated on each and every fascinating and important detail of my life.

I have a new pimple and.......Well, maybe not THAT detailed.

Anyhoo, they all went swimming because it's 95ºF outside. Yes siree-Bob. That completely explains why they're going to spend 60 entire exciting minutes swimming in an indoor therapy pool where the water is perty darn close to 90ºF, Sounds very refreshing to me. Uh-Huh.

You'll note that I diid not opt to accompany them.

Now, about yesterday. True confession time: I have PMS and a severe case of the moodies and it is and was HOT out (and in) and my beloved Mulletman was micro-managing my life and I copped an attitude.

There. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest!

What? You're worried about me? Oh don't be. I repented of my ugly thoughts...right after I enacted the sweet and glorious KONOS revenge. That's right. I hit Mm right between the eyes with the full-throttle threat of (I hope you are sitting down!) the "Responsibility Unit".

Can anybody say, "ZING!!!"?

Whaddya mean you don't get it? Sheesh. What am I going to do with you people? Lemme spell it out for you.

A) KONOS is a homeschool curriculum with unit studies based on character qualities.

B) We are starting KONOS this fall.

C) One of the units is on Responsibility.

D) What teaches a child responsibility better than (are you ready?) PET OWNERSHIP?

Oh good. NOW some of you get it. Pretty sweet, eh?

For the rest of you I will proceed to:

E) Mulletman is very pro-homeschool AND, ever since the 1999 beagle puppy fiasco, very ANTI-pet.

In the world according to Mulletman, pets are a waste of money, resources and time that could be better spent elsewhere (like on Mm!). Pets tie you down so that you can't run off for the weekend or the week or just suddenly pull up roots and move to Colorado. Some pets are destructive and chew up perfectly good baby toys and dig holes in perfectly good back yards. They howl and squeak and bark and blaa-aat and pee and poop and hawk-up hairballs and bite little children. They're slobbery and messy and flea-ridden and they might carry deer ticks that will infect us all with Lyme's disease. Pets require work and time and it's utterly (not udderly) disgusting when an intelligent homeschooling woman calls herself a dog's "Mommy"; even worse if she calls her respected and revered husband the dog's "Daddy"!

Consequently, we have a few slimy ole tropical fish and that's it. We used to have a dog and rodents and all manner of fun furry things, but no more. Now it's just me and my dustbunnies. Which is quite sad becasue the girlies and I love animals. Heck, I'm one of those sleep-in-the-barn-with-your-sick-pet sorts. I want cats and a couple of dogs and goats and horses and rats and, oh heck, maybe even a chimp or two!

I hate being petless.

BUT NOW, if he's going to continue to be a wonderful and supportive homeschooling father, he'll have to concede to a pet or two or he'll be throwing off our school schedule by 5 weeks. That would be a very bad Dad move! It may only be a rat or a hamster, but once they get their little furry feet in the door i predict a fast growing menagerie of joy and furdom. It will be payback with a vengeance!


The only truly sad part is that I decided to put that particular unit off until next, next ('08-'09) school year. But I goats to play with in the meantime and I can wait.

Totally Unrelated Note: I've been calling my son Bonehead ever since I started this blog. Lately that's been really bugging me because it seems so derogatory. He IS maturing somewhat and we are seeing some hopeful signs of growth, so I am hereby redubbing him:

The Scout

Why? Because that's the job he's training for in the Army. That's why.

How many of those bloggy contests did you all enter? I scanned over 300 and probably actually entered 180.

I started out by writing down the Mr. Linky # of each site as I checked it so that if I came back to do more later, I wouldn't waste time going where I'd already been. I do that all the time here around the house - waste time that is, but that's because the rooms don't have nifty numbers I can cross off so as to remember that I've already been there.

This system worked quite well until Tuesday evening when the internet went insane and wouldn't let me even open Rocks in my Dryer. It was so frustrating! Even worse, when I did finally get over there yesterday, THE MR. LINKY WAS ALL MIXED-UP AND MESSED-UP AND THE NUMBERS WERE ALL GONE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaack!

I hope you are getting the full picture of how immensely stressful this was for me.

I surely do hope I win something! (I hope you do too, of course!)

I'm sore today and incredibly tired. I'm back to riding my bike, but I probably went just a wee bit too far today. No more treks this year, but MM and I are planning on riding just miles and miles in Acadia National Park this fall on our annual Let's-Go-Camping-Without-the-Little-Girls trip.

I really want to be ready when we go. I want to have the endurance of a well-trained athlete. I want to fill my spandex shorts in a shapely, but non-lumpy fashion. I want my arms to look buff and strong. I want my hair to look thick and luxurious. I want my skin to look smooth and silky. While I'm at it, I want my varicose veins to disappear and my cellulite to dissipate and my eyes to healed.

But heck, I'll settle for just being able to ride 40 miles without wheezing and whining. ;-)

I'm also in training for an upcoming competetive event at the Skowhegan State Fair. On August 16 you will all need to root for me because I will be participating in the Women's Fry Pan Toss.

Yes, really. We don't have a hog calling contest, but this sounded like fun. Besides that first prize is $75!!!!!!!

I aim to win this sucker!

My good friend notcon4med will be here, so I'll have her take pics to prove that I really did it.


Anonymous said...

1. regarding your recent demand that i go to my room...okay! i loooove my room, i think i will read some dickens :)

2. i'm glad for the bonehead-to-scout change, that bothered me too but i figured...well it's your blog, i'll just keep quiet.

3. it won't help your varicose veins, but i did just watch something the other day that said if you rub used coffee grinds on your legs and butt it helps firm your skin and reduce cellulite...

4. literally every link i clicked to check out free stuff froze my internet explorer and after six attempts i hung my head in despair and decided i wasn't meant to win anything. ever. :( :(

5. it just seems like i should have a #5 even though i've done all the commenting i intended to do.

Anonymous said...

You bet I'll be there. I might even capture it on video!
I am all for responsibility...you wanna cat or 2...or 4? Of the 5, there's really only one I would miss. But no matter how much you beg me, you can't have my dog! She's too spoiled for anyone but me!
I'm in favor of the name change for Bonehead...er...Scout. No doubt, he was a bonehead, but I'm all for recognizing growth...and I'm praising God along with you for every bit of it!
See ya soon. Keep pumping frying pans. I want to see that thing FLY!

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

Maybe you could talk that hubby of yours into a rescue pet! Now there is a good lesson in responsibility for sure! Not to forget public service by helping an unfortunate animal who was discarded! Rescues make great pets! After all our Katie is a rescue!

Karen said...

Good luck with the pet thing, congrats on the one hour of freedom, and yay for the name change, and, um, sorry about the link things, and huzzah for the fry pan toss. I'm looking forward to seeing pictures. (I think that just about covers everything)

Unknown said...

Bonehead to Scout - I love it!

PMS - well that certainly explained yesterday's post!

groovyoldlady said...

Coffee grounds? On my cellulite? WHAT have you been reading, FSG?

Laurel said...

i loved your comment over at my blog about how you entered to win 487 hairbows! seriously, huh? between hairbows and starbucks giftcards, it seemed a lot of people had the same idea!

Diane Viere said...

I'm going to rename you....lovingly, CRAZY OLE LADY!!! You are too funny!

So glad you had this time alone...so you could spread the joy! As always, I read your post with awe and complete respect!

Yes, pets do create responsibity in children....but from personal experience thay also create the occassional monster Momma! I can't tell you how many monstrous moments I've had with my children, screaming at the top of my lungs...that THIS is THEIR dog! Take care of it!

So, should you be lacking in moments of opportunity to scream at your kids...by all means....get that pet!

Love the new name, SCOUT! He is on a search alright! Sometimes that search is more than a screaming Momma can bare....or is it bear? Yes, lions and tigers and bears--oh my! Nonetheless, it is a very good name.

As I have come to appreciate and understand your very unique sense of humor...I never once believed that Bonehead was used in a derogatory way!

Good luck with that ZIT!!!!

ZANG! Have a great day!


Dawn said...

I don't know how many I signed up for, but I would love to win at least ONE!! Probably not. We're among millions of hopefuls.

As for the confiscation of my lovely jam - they also took my mom's toothpaste and my dad's Old Spice - containers too big. I guess you really do need to read the fine print on these unbelievable new rules.

We're at the point where we don't have pets, and don't want anymore because of the freedom thing. But my husband still misses Judas, the cat, who used to lay on his back while he was praying in the morning. He was Kev's cat, named Judas because "he wasn't very loyal." But that all changed! As has Kev - as is Bonehead. PTL!!

Damselfly said...

You in Acadia. I'm so jealous! But in a good way. And you know what, I didn't know it got that hot in Maine. Guess I don't know much....

Hope you get a pet! I think goats are pretty cool, though.

Karen Putz said...

Aww, you need a nice little Westie that barely sheds!