27 January 2007

All Bunged Up - Part 3

Note to my readers: As I reviewed Part 2 of this series I was appalled to discover numerous spelling errors. I'm surprised none of you mentioned them! Needless to say, I've gone back and repaired the damage.

And now...

Part 3
As you've probably surmised, my bed shopping tips are based on our actual experiences. Tired of being bunged-up, Mulletman and I shopped and shopped and shopped for a new bed. Finally, we were so exhausted and confused that we cheated. We went to the mall and popped into Brookstone. There, we let the kindly old salesman talk us into trying one of those fancy (and VERY expensive) Tempur-Pedic beds. We could have it for a 30 day, money back trial and they'd throw in an $80 Tempur-Pedic pillow for free. They'd even deliver it right to our house even though we live 90 miles away.

Convinced that space-age technology (expensive space-age technology!) would solve all our sleeping problems, we bought it. Our first clues that we'd made a mistake came the day it was delivered.

Clue #1:
Brrrrrrrinngg! The phone rang. It was our friendly Brookstone bed delivery dude. He was close to our house, but needed instructions on how to actually find us. I gave him said instructions.

Brrrrrrrinngg! The phone rang again. It was our friendly Brookstone bed delivery dude again. It was either late winter or early spring - my memory is hazy on that point, although I DO remember that it was cold outside - AND our semi-rural road is closed to all large truck traffic until late spring. Delivery Dude was driving a large truck and he wasn't about to break the law to get our very expensive space-age technology bed to us.

What to do? What to do!

So I told him to stay put. I'd drive out with my station wagon and some bungees and pick it up from him. I met him at a nearby convenience store and the employees came out to smoke and stare while Delivery Dude and his cohort loaded the mattress onto the roof of my car.

Once home, Bonehead helped me unload the beast. It weighed a ton, was stiff as a board, and had nothing to grab on to. We muscled it into the house and tossed it on the floor in our room.

Clue #2:
Girly-Girl, excited to see a mattress on the floor, ran gaily and leapt mightily onto the new mattress and...thudded and cried. Fortunately, she didn't break any bones. A cold Tempur-Pedic is hard as marble!

It all went downhill from there. The bed DID soften up when it warmed up a bit, but Ken and I did not like it. We did NOT sleep better and we still felt all bunged-up in the morning.

We called Brookstone and they sent Get-it Guy out to pick it up. Apparently Get-it Guy ignored the "No Trucks" signs because he came right to our door to load the thing. Our only mementoes of the whole transaction were my free pillow and a toddler who was scared of jumping on beds.

Back to shopping.

We decided to go to a furniture store in Podunk (just down the road from Skweegun) and buy a mattress there. So we did.

Aaaaand...we took it back and got another one.

Aaaaand...we hated that one too, so we (oh, I can't BELIEVE we did this) took it back and upgraded to a - dare I say it? - Tempur-Pedic bed.

What were we thinking? I wish I knew! At any rate, we slept on space-age technology (locally bought, this time) for four stinking years. We hated it, but once you commit to BIG bucks for a bed, it's hard to back out.

Nonetheless, we finally couldn't stand it any more, so we put out an ad to sell the bed. We got several calls, but one lady was so excited that she mailed us a money order immediately. We deposited the check and cancelled the ad and waited for her to come pick it up. That was last June. She didn't come to pick up the bed until DECEMBER!!!!!

Welcome to Maine.

Cheapskates that we are, we slept on the bed the whole time (and complained about it), but now we were bedless. "Not to worry!" said the folks. "We just bought new beds and you can have our previous one. It's only a couple of years old and has very little wear." Cool beans! Right?


There is a very good reason why the folks got rid of the old bed; in it's former life it had been used as a torture rack! We slept ("tossed", would be more apropos) on that bed for almost two weeks. My shoulder muscles seized up so tight that I cried when my PILLOW touched me and I got the headache from Hell. Mulletman said, "It's the bed!!!!" and tore it all down in record time.

He set it up in the basement until the Resell-it Rascals could pick it up to sell it on consignment for the folks. Before it was gone for good, we let Bonehead try it. The folks were willing to give it to him if he so desired. He tossed himself down on it excitedly and then leapt off it as though it were made of burning coals. "Holy concrete floors!"

We now have two children who are afraid to jump on beds.

Now we're sleeping on his-and-her air mattresses until we get some time and gumption to bed shop again.

Anyone want to do it for us? I'll throw in a free pillow!


Carole Burant said...

When I went shopping for a bed, it took me 15 minutes and the mattress is perfect...had it for 4 years now. You really wanted to hear that eh? LOL Goodness gracious, what an adventure your bed shopping has become...hopefully one can be found soon before the air goes out of the mattresses you're using now! hehe

groovyoldlady said...


Sue Seibert said...

Wow, what trouble. We just got a Sealy posturepedia which we love, if that's any help.

BTW, we love Maine, but, of course, we've never been there in winter.

Good luck...and so far as the child afraid to jump on the bed, that's the way our youngest grandson broke his arm.

Anonymous said...

It must have been stressful at the time but what an hilarious story! I'm actually writing this in bed at the moment on my wonderful new mattress that supports me in all the right places after sleeping fo ten years on a mattress that sagged in the middle. I felt like I was turning into a hunchback by the end of it.
Loved your use of 'bunged-up.' I'm going to use it whenever I feel stiff and sore. LOL!!


groovyoldlady said...

It is reassuring to hear that there ARE actually some comfy mattresses out there. We are going to find one...hopefully before Valentine's Day <3 !!