30 October 2009

"We" Think "We" Need Some Help!

Why does a woman who lives in a teeny tiny apartment and who has poor balance and trips easily and who doesn't see well want to cover her floor with throw rugs? LOTS of throw rugs? As in TEN little, annoying rugs in her miniscule kitchen, bathroom, and living room. Why? She can't even pick them up to shake them - her hands and arms are too weak. So when they're dirty, she rolls them up until I come to visit so I can shake them for her. This means that her floor is littered with carpet rolls and throw rugs all the time. It's a messy, cluttery tripping hazard!

Even worse, she was getting back and hip pain from standing in her kitchen and/or bathroom. Her apartment (actually a small duplex) is on a cement slab and I will concede that is/was hard on the feet. We looked into those nice, nifty anti-fatigue floor mats for the kitchen. Unfortunately, they were outrageously priced!

So she got a great idea of what "we" should do instead; she we headed over to Marden's to buy several exercise mats. She We cut them with scissors to fit the itty-bitty space in front of the bathroom sink. Then she we cut them and glued them in layers to put in front of the stove and the sink in the kitchen. Then she we decided she we also wanted a double layer of the mats glued atop one another and then taped together ("we" kid you not) to cover the little bit of open space on the living room floor. Last of all, she we covered all these cut and glued mats with - you guessed it -throw rugs, none of which match. Then she we threw down throw rugs between the throw rugs to help, you know, bring it all together.

Or something.

Ah, but it didn't end there. "Our" chiropractor (bless his kind and thoughtful *sigh* heart) remembered her us mentioning the need for some padding in her kitchen to ease the hip/back discomfort he was treating. Being a very generous fellow, he went out to Agway and bought her a cushioning mat. A VERY HEAVY cushioning mat that's meant to be used in a horse stable. He and his wife actually drove to her home and delivered it to her personally. Then he told her she we needed to go buy more of them at Agway.

So, to Agway we went. And she we bought two more for the kitchen. Never mind that we'd already spent a great deal of time, effort and materials custom making mats...

However, none of that hard work went to waste because she decided that she we would put the new HEAVY mats right on top of the old ones! Then it would be thicker! and softer! oh boy! And "we" could duct tape them together so they don't slide! and cover them with throw rugs!

Never mind that they're impossible to clean. Never mind that all the mats and rugs together means "we" have to step up 2 inches to get into the kitchen. Never mind that the mats don't completely cover the floor so that there are high places and low places - serious tripping hazards - all in a very small space. Never mind that the throw rugs slide around.

Uh-oh.

"We" can't have sliding throw rugs, can we? After all that would look tacky. So She we decided we needed to go to the Mart and invest in a bazillion rolls of that no-skid stuff. Then she we got to cut it into pieces and, joy of joys-->

- Pick up each and every throw rug,
- Pick up the HEAVY rubber horse mats (I did mention that they are HEAVY, didn't I??? AND that they're duct taped together???? AHahahahahahahaha!!)
- Pick up all the time consuming, cobby, taped-and-glued together exercise mats,
- Put all the above outside in the yard because there's NO ROOM for them inside
- Ah heck, "we" might as well clean the floor while we have the chance...
- Now "we'll" put down some of the pieces of no-skid
- Then the exercise mats (and "we'll" tape them together so they don't slide)
- Then more no-skid
- Then the HEAVY rubber horse mats (We're talking HEAVY here!)
- Then MORE no-skid
- Then "we" throw the throw rugs

All done, right? No way. The standard silver duct tape looks tacky, so "we" go buy some black - it will blend in better. Oh hey, while "we're" down on the floor redoing the duct tape, "we" might as well clean, right? Of course, right!

But wait. There are still problems with 2 of the throw rugs sliding aorund in the kitchen. Maybe if "we" sew some "velcron" (ie. "velcro" in GrammaJ lingo) strips to hold the two rugs together, they won't shift as much. Oh hey, while "we're" down on the floor sewing "velcron", "we" might as well clean, right? Of course, right!

I think "we" are taking co-dependency to new heights! My next post may very well be about the secret charity baskets "we" are making for people...

Or maybe about the the things "we" need to buy to decorate her already cluttered apartment.

Or perhaps about the trips "we" should take or the people "we" should talk to or the perfect church "we" should be attending or the folks "we" should invite over for the holidays.

OK, "we" have alot to do today so I think "we'll" sign off for now.

Until next time this is Groovy (and, apparently, GrammaJ).

5 comments:

Susan said...

Haven't made it by in awhile. Glad I did today. You always make me smile, Groovy!!! Love your sense of humor about real life. Ain't it grand?
Susan

Carla Gade said...

Wow! I'm exhausted.

Ms. Karen said...

She's a lucky woman to have such a patient, and giving, daughter. I have had to tell my mother "no" on many occasions when things like this have come up. She likes to "fix" things, which can create safety hazards, and hoo-boy...

Fortunately, there is someone near by who will go un-do her doings and make things safe again.

notcon4med said...

I'm thinking that if you add up all the things you bought instead of the anti-fatigue mats, and if you add in something for all the time, you might not think they were so very expensive after all!

Dawn said...

Oh, my goodness! Laughing, but feeling bad at the same time!

So - if you win, do you want me to bring the package or send it??

Here's hoping and praying for good weather all over the place for the next two weeks!