Sleeping With Goats and Other Hairy Tales

The folks insisted that we bring their computer over here and use it whilst ours is being repaired. This is probably because they pretty much never use their computer and because every time one of them pops in for a visit, ole Groovy is typing away on hers. Their generosity could also be attributed to the fact that they are a couple of sweeties!

So...Goat Camp. I don't want to bore you with a blow-by-blow. This 4-H stuff can send you to snooze land pretty fast if you aren't involved yourself. Just ask my dear freind Notcon4med who actually sat through the girlies' goat show last summer at one of the fairs. She claimed she was enjoying herself, but I distinctly recall glazed eyes and drool gracing her demeanor. Good friends like that are hard to come by!

Instead, I shall give you advice so you shall be prepared should you ever have the opportunity to attend a weekend long 4-H camp.

1. Segregation is mandatory in 4-H. Goat people DO NOT associate with sheep people or dog people. Steer folks are completely ignored. Horse people are especially anathema.

2. All segregational boundaries are erased during the famous Saturday night potluck supper and during Zumba dancing.

3. Zumba dancing is a surefire way to burn off all the many desserts that you WILL eat at the potluck supper!

4. Girls and boys will self segregate of their own accord when it comes to craft time. Girls = flower faeries and friendship bracelets. Boys equal very cool and fun stilts made out of large coffee cans.

5. Be prepared for complete sleep deprivation. Campers are loud and Nubian goats are even louder. All night. Loud. Noisy. Irritating. Maaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa. Some Nubians even sound like elephants in heat. So did some of the teens...

6. The midnight storm that brings only rain to the fairgrounds (blissfull rain that shut-up the aggravating goats AND the excessively loud campers) will bring thunder and lightning to your house. Said lightning will blow the bathroom nightlight right out of the socket and across the room to shatter. It will splinter a glass lamp shade. It will fry two microwave ovens and a window air conditioner. It will blow the computer modem and router and sizzle your ethernet drive. You won't be concerned about these things because you are going to immediately repack and take off on vacation; the folks will take care of all the repairs. Except, when you finally get home from NY, you will discover that they got the modem replaced and let the electrician in to check the circuits and that's it. It is 96º F with 90% humidity and the folks are sitting there miserably sweltering because they never called anyone about the AC.

7. Serving spaghetti with meatballs whilst standing next to a vegan serving noodles is an endless source of fun!

8. Taking a shower at the fairgrounds facility is a risky endeavor. The floor is slimy wet concrete and your naked body will provide an ample feast for the plethora of starving Maine mosquitoes. AND, unless you time your shower just right, there will be no hot water.

9. The shower situation will especially laughable if the weather is hot and humid and people are handling many hairy livestock. Even more so if they are shaving said livestock and the goat hair is sticking to their sweaty bodies.

10. Plugging 8 small appliances into one outlet in an effort to cook hotdogs and popcorn and coffee etc. for your club's snack bar? Not a good idea.

11. Giving your animal hating husband a goat kid and having him run the agility obstacle course with your 7 year-old provides wonderful entertainment!

12. Goatmilk ice cream is surprisingly yummy!

13. Washing an aggravated goat with cold water from a garden hose requires an amazing amount of brawn and persistence.

14. Just because the large tent shelter (There are two of these huge structures where campers can set up their tents to help protect them from the weather) LOOKS high enough to drive your van under doeasn't mean it is. You might lose that nice roof rack...

15. Maine's 4-H Days at the Windsor Fairgrounds is probably the funnest 4-H event available. So if you get the chance to attend, please do so (unless you are one of the loathesome horse people!) and...BRING EARLPUGS!

A DISCLAIMER: Shhhh, don't tell the goat tribe, but personally, Groovy thinks dog people are fun and sheep owners are hilarious (Whaddya mean their loose AGAIN?????). She even met some very nice steer folks. She also has absolutely nothing against the horse group and secretly wishes she could be counted among them.