Mulletman Meets His Match

As you all know, the girls and I usually visit some assisted living residents at a local nursing home on Tuesdays. On occasion, Mulletman comes with us. I love it when he comes because he is great at getting responses from the people there, especially from the women. He teases and harasses and generally makes everyone smile. That's because he's cute and witty and charming and has long curly hair. ;-)

Well, he went visiting with us today. We were sitting at the table with Ruth, an American Indian who was born and raised right on our own street. Ruth can outcuss a sailor and can eat an entire large pizza all by herself (and plans to do so again next Friday - the eating, not the cussing. Although she'll probably do that too if her roommate tries to get a piece.) Lo and behold another woman approached the table and waved her cane at me rather imperiously. I was in her seat.

Ack! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger!

One thing we have learned in our time at the home is that you DON'T sit in somone else's seat. Ever. Else you might die a bloody and violent death by clubbing!

I hastily bowed out of the seat and proclaimed it "all warmed up" for the newcomer. She sat down and scooted herself up, setting a well worn novel by her plate. Immediately Ruth launched her attack (probably the exact same one for every meal, every day...)

"What ya always bring that stupid book for? You never read it!"

Newcomer replies, "It's MY book!"

Sensing a brewing joust with a walker and cane, Mulletman suavely interrupted, "Hi, I'm Mulletman. Who are you?"

"Who am I?" She shot back, "I'm NUTS! That's who I am!" She giggled at her own joke and turned over her coffee cup.

"There's no coffee yet. Turn that cup back over!" Ruth scolded.

"I like it this way!" she shot back as she reached for the creamers. Mulletman scooted the creamers toward her, but she suddenly didn't want cream any more. Teasingly he asked, "No cream? Would you like butter instead?" He lifed the bowl of little individual butter packets and held it her way.

"Oh good heavens, NO! I don't put butter in my coffee!"

"Some people here do," I put in. Mulletman raised his eyebrows. "Seriously," I continued, "I can point out at least 3 ladies here who put butter in their coffee on purpose; not because they're confused."

Ruth nodded vigorously, "I do that."

Mulletman was nonplussed. "You put butter in your coffee????"

"Oh yes. It's good laxative and it tastes good too." Her face went all dreamy as she recalled the taste...

Mulletman stared at her for a moment, "I'll...remember that." Then he tried a new approach with the nutty lady, "Where are you from?"

The lady's eyes went wide, "Where am I from? WHERE AM I FROM??" She looked accusingly at Ruth. "He wants to know where I'm from!"

Ruth rolled her eyes and addressed Mulletman, "----, she's crazy. She never even reads that book. Just carries it around like a teddy bear." She shook her head and mumbled under her breath.

At this point another lady came and, as I was in her seat, I slid over to a different table, leaving Mulletman to fend for himself. The newest arrival was pretty much deaf, but he did his best. Finally he made one more attempt to talk to the nutty lady and asked if the food was good there (We usually visit just before lunch). She leaned forward to scrutinize him closely, then nodded as one who has arrived at a wise conclusion: "You're new here, aren't you?"